Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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