He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
