I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
third nipple confirmed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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