Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
