Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
