Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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