mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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