Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
