you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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