all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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