at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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