I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
