just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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