fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
