Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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