I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Randomize
