Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
