don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Rumble strips road head = magical
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
