i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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