Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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