I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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