yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is wine microwaveable?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
