Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
