her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
