It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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