Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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