yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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