He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
