I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Say something about gay babies.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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