I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
