As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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