Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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