I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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