Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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