I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
