I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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