It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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