somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Randomize
