I was born with a shot glass in my hand
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
