It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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