Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And then my night got REAL pukey
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
