Pappa wants mamma naked
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
