The maid of honor just puked.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
