I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Still dying that you shit outside
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
