And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
