Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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