You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
