Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's great music for shaving your balls
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
