If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
