did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize