come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
