every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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