You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
don't judge my taste in strippers
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
