Just fell off a train. Bad.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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