I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
