nut hugger
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
