There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
