Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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