Tell her she can't have a vagina
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
