Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
