Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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