This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
