thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
