I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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