I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
