My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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