maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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