Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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