He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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