He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
