My room smells like vodka and shame
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
