apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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