I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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