he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
