"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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