its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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