Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
