guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
