Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
